Fear, my Best Friend

© Emmanuelle Lambert

“I’ve got another confession to make” – The Foo Fighters

Again another YTT weekend, gone. Already. There is something that I need to tell you though dear readers: lately I have experienced resistance to these weekends. Yes, yoga, training, rainbows flowers and oms all around. Still, on Friday, I didn’t want to board the train that would take me from Brussels to London. And yet the weekend is already gone.

When we commit to something we have to accept what’s coming with it. The good, the bad, the resistance, the fear, the joy. Eventually we have to. Because it’s coming, inexorably. And when it’s coming, we have to remember why we are doing what we are doing and what for. Keep an eye on the prize, past the finish line, above and beyond the hurdles.

I am choosing to look at my fear in the eyes and tell her (yes she’s a she, after all she’s me) that everything’s going to be all right. That she has no choice, because we are still going to go through this, but we will work together. We have to work together to make this work and do the best we can. Because together we can do it.

Fear is energy. It’s a tremendous force. Imagine what it takes to hold us back. Every day, repeating the same thing over and over: “what if you fail? what if you succeed? what if you don’t make enough money? what if…?” It takes a lot to be rehashing the same speech each and every day.

So you try to shut her down. You try to forget about her. But she’s still there, resisting against your resistance.

It takes a shitload of energy, don’t you think?

This weekend I spoke to my fear. Instead of turning my back on her, I turned to her and told her: “You know what? I hear you. I do hear you. I see where you’re coming from. You’re not to be undermined. But there is a way to work things out together. If you’re so scared, why don’t we do everything we can to make you safe? You are strong, work with me. Push me, don’t hold me back.”.

Push me, don’t hold me back.

Yoga teacher training indeed, and what a lesson.

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14 responses to “Fear, my Best Friend

  1. by the end I dreaded YTT weekends too. I wonder if it is because that is when lots of stuff came up for me and I was afraid to go there. Or maybe it’s just part of the acceptance that it’s close to time to move on?

    • I think both – I have to face my fear of public speaking and instructing English people in English 😀 What I see as my personal hurdle before the actual certification.
      But also I’m itching to see what’s next!

  2. I can so relate to seeing fear build as I get closer to something I seemingly want. In my YTT, I think I was partially afraid to let go of those weekends and partially afraid to move forward. Love what you told your fear; it’s so good when we can see it plainly so we can figure out how to move through it.

    • Great comment Anna, thank you. The truth is, although I’m happy to see the end, it will feel weird not having to travel all the way to London every month. I know I will miss it 😀

  3. Yes! I’ve experienced this too – the closer I get to the book being published the more fearful I become of what could go wrong. I think your observation about the amount of strength fear contains, the strength to hold back all the other powerful energy we carry, is SO insightful. If we can use that energy to keep ourselves moving rather than stuck WOW, imagine what we can do.

    Love to you!

    • Exactly! I got thinking about how much strength we have when we are faced with fear and I had an epiphany here. It IS energy!

      Fingers crossed for your book, I can’t even begin to imagine how much work and love you have poured into it. I am sure you will find the publisher that is right for you and your book 🙂

  4. so tightly written in thought and form, nicely nicely done emmanuelle

    i think marianne above has it, “SO insightful. If we can use that energy to keep ourselves moving rather than stuck WOW…”

  5. Have you ever listened to Sia’s Album; Healing is difficult? there is a great track on there called FEAR! give it a whirl
    x

  6. I got anxious toward the end of my YTT – I just wanted it to be done and have that certificate in hand. I wanted for that part of my life to be realized so another part of my life could be concluded.

    I don’t know that it was fear as much as sheer drive to attain a goal, which as we know in yoga is always changing.
    ♥♥♥

  7. This is such a timely post. I found that as soon as I reach a clearing fear spreads like wild fire. It is amazing how nearing the end of a project or starting something new can bring her out in full force. Thank your for sharing your journey.

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