“I’ve got another confession to make” – The Foo Fighters
Again another YTT weekend, gone. Already. There is something that I need to tell you though dear readers: lately I have experienced resistance to these weekends. Yes, yoga, training, rainbows flowers and oms all around. Still, on Friday, I didn’t want to board the train that would take me from Brussels to London. And yet the weekend is already gone.
When we commit to something we have to accept what’s coming with it. The good, the bad, the resistance, the fear, the joy. Eventually we have to. Because it’s coming, inexorably. And when it’s coming, we have to remember why we are doing what we are doing and what for. Keep an eye on the prize, past the finish line, above and beyond the hurdles.
I am choosing to look at my fear in the eyes and tell her (yes she’s a she, after all she’s me) that everything’s going to be all right. That she has no choice, because we are still going to go through this, but we will work together. We have to work together to make this work and do the best we can. Because together we can do it.
Fear is energy. It’s a tremendous force. Imagine what it takes to hold us back. Every day, repeating the same thing over and over: “what if you fail? what if you succeed? what if you don’t make enough money? what if…?” It takes a lot to be rehashing the same speech each and every day.
So you try to shut her down. You try to forget about her. But she’s still there, resisting against your resistance.
It takes a shitload of energy, don’t you think?
This weekend I spoke to my fear. Instead of turning my back on her, I turned to her and told her: “You know what? I hear you. I do hear you. I see where you’re coming from. You’re not to be undermined. But there is a way to work things out together. If you’re so scared, why don’t we do everything we can to make you safe? You are strong, work with me. Push me, don’t hold me back.”.
Push me, don’t hold me back.
Yoga teacher training indeed, and what a lesson.