*A Mondo Beyondo Post* – Where have your best impulses taken you? Have you ever had a time when listening to your gut totally paid off? What was the situation? How did you know that you knew what to do next?
I have lived in control and fear all my life. Impulses? No, not me. I ponder, check, think, I don’t act.
Except when I was 17, on a double date, sitting in a park with the boy I called my boyfriend, his friend and girlfriend. A bit far off was a bunch of loud guys, shouting “France sucks!” all over the place. They were French, visibly of North African descent. And shouting “France sucks!”.
Now a disclaimer: I am not at all one of these right-wing loonies wanting everybody out except themselves, and I do believe that the concept of borders is overrated, seriously. And I’m not liking what my home country has become lately.
But then, they pissed me off. My brain shut down and my big mouth took over, I shouted back “If you don’t like the country, why don’t you go some place else?”. Oh my, I froze, wondering what the f*** I had just done.
The guys turned to me, and a short sturdy guy asked me defensively if I was a racist. I answered “I’m not, but since you seem to be hating it so much here, I was just wondering” (Inner Scared Shitless Self: “what are you DOING? Shut up shut up shut the f*** UP! Don’t let him get too close please please pleeeeaaaaase!).
Shorty then asked me: “if you’re not a racist, then why are you dating a white boy?”
Me, Brain coming back to life and working nicely together with Big Mouth: “Because I didn’t meet you before!” (Inner Delighted but Still Scared Self: “GENIUS! Well, I hope”).
You know what they did? They laughed. They laughed, gave me a thumbs up, and got back to minding their own business, not shouting anymore. Peace and quiet back in this beautiful park.
Somehow I remember this story vividly, because this is the first time I acted this way, not thinking too much, speaking from my guts. The same feeling that got me signing up for my yoga teacher training, the same feeling that got us booking on a whim that trip to Montreal we had only been talking about for ages, the same feeling that yesterday had me turning down an job offer from my former boss even though he now works from London – and you all know how much I love London.
The same feeling I am now starting to listen, as I’m slowly letting go of control and fear.
Do you listen to your intuition?